The Mischief of Minions

Kids, Family, Insanity…

Collateral Damage


My nose is killing me.

Would you like to know why? Of course you do…

About a week ago my 14 month son launched his bottle at my face. He is quite strong, by the way. My nose has been aching ever since.

To add insult to injury (or really, to add injury to injury) my daughter managed to wack the other side of my delicate schnoz on the other side last night.

I keep looking in the mirror to see if there is a bump. I am pretty sure something is off.

This is not the first time I’ve been so injured. I am routinely kicked, bitten, and used as a bounce house. When S. – Age 3.5 was merely S. Age 2 she did a reverse head-butt on me that sent me to the ER. I had a concussion.

I am sure the doctors were laughing at
me behind my back.

I knew motherhood was tough. I knew pregnancy was going to involve aches and pains, and expected childbirth to be a doozy.

What I did not expect was that at 40 years of age I would be considering purchasing a helmet to protect me from my tiny minions.

Oh wait! I am pretty sure there is a
hockey goalie mask in the basement…

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Band-aid obsessed


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No, it’s not modern art: it is an aerial view of my 14 month old son’s giant head o’ bald after Dr. S – Age 3.5 got to him post-traumatic bump with a Tinker Bell bandage.

I don’t know if it is the amazing colors or vast availability of characters from which to choose. My daughter is just as thrilled to get a new box of band-aids as she is a new toy.

The delight that follows every new bump, bruise or cut – on anyone in the family – is slightly wrong on some levels, but vastly amusing. Waking up from a nap with one on your arm seems a small price to pay.

Now that her baby brother is walking, it is good to know immediate and colorful first aid is always at the ready!

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Blessings


I dedicate this to the Mamamash and a moment of much-needed perspective.

Happiness and peace be yours as gratitude is mine.

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Beluga This!


Sometimes, as a parent, I think my expectations are a little unrealistic – and further, if they weren’t, I’d never leave the house with my children.

In my head, I had a picture of my toddler, mouth agape with joy at her first trip to an aquarium. I had visions of blissful delight as she watched the dolphin show, and imagined the sounds of her chuckles at the antics of penguins.

I shut out the potential for meltdown, tantrums and general disinterest. I opted not to consider her finding the crack on the floor more interesting than the dolphins, or that her piercing scream would echo so stunningly right off the plastic arctic display exhibit from which we had to forcibly extricate her.

But she did really dig the belugas. I think that saved it for me. Because, much like childbirth, at the end of the day, it is focusing on the positives that counts, and keeps us mostly sane.

Well, that and Advil.

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Mommy Rants


I am a well-intentioned, though occasionally haphazard mum.  I am a working mom, and when I get home from work, I typically don’t even get to change out of my work clothes before I am on the floor playing with the minions.  Dinner is frequently random bits of things I know they will eat, shoved into the little time I have with them.  I have no shame and will sing to my child in public and make funny faces if it will keep them amused and/or keep them from screaming.  I am not above bribery.  My kids will follow the 5-10 second rule, and yes, I admit, I did not hand-wash bottles once I found out the dishwasher did a mostly good job of sanitizing.   I lose track of baby bottles all the time, only to find my son walking through a room with one he found under a sofa, trying to suck down curdled milk.  My house is inadequately child-proofed by most standards (including my own) and childcare and parenting on the whole in my house is a bit of an adventure.

I admit all of that.  I love my children to death, and they are my world, but June Cleaver I am not.

One more thing to Child-Proof

Basically, I am  TOTALLY imperfect pretty much all the time.  I do most things wrong so on the whole,  I try not to judge.  But there are a few things that drive me NUTS:

  • Mothers who have 20 bottles of sanitizer on them at all times but don’t put a hat on a baby in the sun when the poor things are squinting like moles and frying like eggs;
  • Mothers who won’t look up from their iPhones, Smartphones, etc. to respond to their children every now and then;
  • Moms that complain about how ill-behaved other children are but are too busy socializing to even keep an eye on their own;
  • Children that are beautifully wrapped in complex ribbons and bows instead of comfy play clothes at the playground;
  • Mothers that sit there and do nothing when their older children are running over the smaller ones on slides and ignore your meaningful glares entirely;
  • Mothers that manage to look like a million bucks at all times and somehow magically avoid all the kiddie goo I seem to be forever covered in (I admit this is really complete jealousy);
  • Moms that give ME superior looks because I DO have baby goo spread all over my shoulder and they are somehow pristine;
  • Mom’s that go a little overboard with the Baby Einstein thing;
  • Moms that won’t give their kids 20 feet of distance and allow them to run around and explore a bit in a safe place, knowing that yes, the world is full of danger but part of being a child is running and being crazy and learning about their environment.

There are probably more that I could include, but they are probably so horribly stupid and immature that I would not admit them publicly, and will keep them to myself out of fear of a good lynching or at least, boisterous objection.

What Most Bothers You???

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Toddler Fashionistas


The fashion habits of the toddler set continue to fascinate me: I am just never entirely sure what to expect either in terms of the number of costume changes that may be in order or what they might consist of when they appear. This is why I keep the iPhone with me at all times: catching the creature in her natural habitat is a must for my own amusement.

Today…told we were going to the grocery store produced this ensemble: I am unsure if I should label it “damn hippie” or “Olsen twin chic” but I am leaning towards the former since my toddler outweighs MaryKate and Ashley for sure. I should also mention it is about 90 degrees outside and that everything from the dress to the headband was all her.

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Creative Naptime


Bribed with a special trip to the movies last weekend, my daughter, for once, agreed to go to her room and take a nap. She went quietly – even meekly – up to her room to sleep.

Checking on her, we found this:

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Not only had she put on her pajamas at 2pm (something we fight to get her to do at night), but also she made herself a bed on the floor and a sleeping bag for each and every stuffed animal she owns! Every blanket, every pillow, was carefully assigned to one of her plush, fuzzy friends.

Notably, despite these elaborate machinations, the kid never did sleep. She tried though…and made me laugh in the process. She earned the movie.

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Siri – us Frustration


My daughter S. age 3 frequently gets irate with my iPhone: it never seems to cooperate and do what she wants.

Of greatest amusement to her Mommy and Daddy though, is when she gets into arguments with Siri, who of course won’t know where her toys are or where the birthday party happens to be.

We could try explaining, I suppose. But frankly I’d much rather watch her threaten my phone.

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The 3-year-old Babysitter


My 3-year-old daughter occasionally out-mothers her mother. She loves (most of the time, anyway) to play with her little brother.

Last night, she decided to babysit him. I walked into the room to this:

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The baby seemed perfectly content to be buried in toys (of which we have far too many) and play while his big sister looked on fondly.

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Yes, someone is going to have to clean up this mess: probably me. But I will take this instance of pure love and caring between the two any day.
She really is a good big sister.

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Hockey girl!


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My husband is a crazy hockey nut, especially a fan of the Chicago Blackhawks. Their convention is this weekend, and my excited husband and his hockey pals were gathering in the kitchen, examining their “game-worn” and making plans for their big weekend.

My daughter, all excited at their arrival and caught up in the fun, immediately ran upstairs and started digging through drawers to don herhockey jersey. She was one of the boys all night – but by far the cutest!!

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